Adolescent Executive Functioning Through a Gender Lens

On the surface, it can look like a simple difference in motivation. One teenager forgets homework, misses deadlines and insists the assignment was completed, somewhere. Another teen completes the work but stays up until 2 a.m. perfecting it, overwhelmed and exhausted. Both are struggling, yet they are often perceived very differently by adults.

What is happening beneath the surface is executive functioning. During adolescence, gender socialization plays a powerful role in how these challenges show up, how they are interpreted and whether they are addressed.

Executive functioning refers to the brain-based skills that allow us to plan, organize, initiate tasks, manage time, regulate emotions, shift attention and monitor our behavior. These skills develop gradually from early childhood through the mid-to-late twenties, with adolescence marking a particularly uneven and vulnerable stage. Executive functioning challenges are not about intelligence or effort, rather they are about how the brain manages increasing demands during the teenage years.

While these challenges affect teens of all genders, they are often expressed and responded to differently based on long-standing gender norms. From an early age, boys are given more leeway for impulsivity, disorganization or emotional outbursts, while girls are expected to be compliant, organized, emotionally aware and self-controlled. By adolescence, these expectations collide with a brain that is still very much under construction.

Adolescent boys with executive functioning challenges are more likely to show their struggles outwardly. This can include difficulty initiating tasks, poor time management, impulsivity, emotional reactivity or visible disorganization such as messy backpacks or missing assignments. Because these behaviors are disruptive or noticeable, boys are more likely to be referred for evaluations, diagnosed with ADHD or offered formal support. At the same time, their challenges are frequently framed as behavioral problems rather than skill gaps. Many boys internalize messages that they are lazy, unmotivated or not trying hard enough, which can erode self-esteem and lead to disengagement from school.

Girls with executive functioning challenges are more likely to internalize their struggles. They may appear organized on the surface while relying heavily on anxiety, over-preparation or perfectionism to keep up. Homework can take hours due to difficulty prioritizing or shifting between tasks. Emotional regulation challenges may show up as rumination, overwhelm or harsh self-criticism. Many girls mask their difficulties through people-pleasing or by working far beyond what is sustainable, often resulting in chronic stress, fatigue or burnout.

Because many of these girls continue to meet external expectations by turning in work, staying quiet and following rules, their struggles are frequently missed or minimized. They may not be identified until adolescence or later, when demands exceed their coping strategies. Instead of being labeled disruptive, they are often described as anxious, too sensitive or hard on themselves. Their challenges are misattributed to personality rather than neurodevelopment.

Emotional regulation is one area where these differences often become especially visible. Boys are frequently discouraged from expressing vulnerability, which can cause emotional distress to surface as anger, irritability or withdrawal. Girls are often encouraged to be emotionally attuned but may take on too much responsibility for managing others' feelings at the expense of their own regulation. Both patterns are rooted in executive functioning skills shaped by social expectations rather than ability.

When executive functioning challenges are misunderstood, teens often internalize harmful narratives: "Something is wrong with me." "I should be able to handle this." "Everyone else has it together." While adolescents of all genders can experience and express these challenges in a wide range of ways, patterns often emerge based on socialization. Often, though not always, boys' struggles show up externally through acting out, withdrawing or disengaging from school demands. Often, though not always, girls' struggles turn inward, appearing as anxiety, depression, overwhelm or perfectionism. This does not mean boys do not experience anxiety or perfectionism, nor that girls do not act out or disengage. These tendencies reflect how teens are taught, implicitly or explicitly, to express distress.

When adults interpret these behaviors as personality traits or motivation issues rather than signs of lagging skills, the underlying needs go unmet.

Parents and professionals can make a meaningful difference by looking beyond behavior and asking not "Why won't they?" but "What skill is lagging?" Normalizing uneven development is essential, as adolescence is not a linear process. It is also important to watch for quiet struggle, recognizing that a teen who appears to be doing fine on paper may be working far harder than they should just to keep up. Executive functioning skills need to be taught explicitly rather than assumed. Above all, reducing shame matters. Language shapes how teens understand themselves, and framing challenges as skills in progress can change the trajectory of their self-worth.

Executive functioning challenges are not a moral failing, a lack of motivation or a character flaw. They are part of brain development, influenced by biology, environment and gendered expectations. When we recognize how these challenges can look different and how easily they can be overlooked, we create space for earlier support, healthier coping strategies and more resilient teens.

And perhaps most importantly, we send a powerful message to adolescents of all genders: You are not broken. You are still becoming.

Reference List

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