Making the Most of Parent-Teacher Conferences in Middle & High School

Parent-teacher conferences are a wonderful opportunity to advocate for your adolescent. They aren’t just for when a student is struggling, rather these quick 10- to 15-minute meetings give you a window into your child’s progress, help you build a stronger connection with teachers and create a partnership that supports ongoing success.

In middle and high school, your teens are gaining independence, and they don’t always share much about what’s happening in class, with friends or how confident they feel in their schoolwork. As a former middle and high school counselor and parent of a current high schooler (plus two who’ve already navigated these years), I value conferences as a window into a teen’s school experience–how they’re managing and where they might need extra support or encouragement. Conferences also give teachers your perspective as a parent, helping them see your child as a whole person. And often, they’re a chance to hear the positives in your child’s journey.

Even though the time is limited, the benefits are big. Meeting face-to-face builds trust, opens lines of communication and makes it easier to reach out later if questions or concerns come up.

The key to a successful parent-teacher conference is preparation. Going into the conference with clear priorities and a handful of focused questions will make the conversation more productive and less rushed. Think of it as an opportunity to team up with teachers so your child can flourish both in and out of the classroom.

Here are some questions you may use to guide your conversation. You likely won’t have time for all of them, so pick 3–5 that seem most relevant to your child before your scheduled conference time. 

Before the conference, ask your teen:

• How do you think school is going?

• What are you most proud of so far this semester?

• Are there any subjects or situations you’re struggling with?

• Is there something you’d like me to ask your teacher or discuss with your teacher?

  
  

This conversation helps you bring your child’s voice into the meeting, so you’re addressing their priorities, not just your own.

Questions to Ask During the Conference:

You won’t have time to ask everything, so select the 3–5 questions that feel most important for your child right now.

Academics

• How is my child performing compared to grade-level expectations?

• What strengths stand out in their work?

• What’s one area they should focus on improving?

• Do you notice any patterns such as missing or late homework or inconsistent test scores that I should be aware of?

Engagement & Behavior

• Does my child participate in class discussions and group work?

• Do they stay focused during class time?

• Have you noticed any concerns or patterns socially or behaviorally?

Social & Emotional Development

• How does my child get along with their peers?

• Do they work well with others in a respectful and engaged way?

• Have you noticed changes in their motivation or confidence?

Support & Next Steps

• What’s the top priority for my child this semester?

• What resources are available if they need extra help?

• What’s the best way for us to stay in touch moving forward?

  
  

Before wrapping the conference session up, perhaps ask: “If you could give my child one piece of advice for success in your class, what would it be?”

Remember to Listen Actively

It’s tempting to rush through your list of questions, but conferences work best as a conversation. Take notes, ask for clarification if something isn’t clear, and focus on solutions instead of problems. Be sure to dig a bit deeper if you have a concern: “Can you tell me a bit more about that?” can open the door to useful insights.

Nonverbal cues matter too, such as leaning in, nodding or showing openness. This helps set the tone for a collaborative discussion.

Set Shared Goals

If challenges come up, ask about short-term and long-term goals. For example:

• Short-term: turning in missing assignments or improving participation in class

• Long-term: strengthening study habits or preparing for the next level of coursework

Agree on specific steps your adolescent can take, what the teacher will support in class and what you can reinforce at home.

Follow Up After the Conferences

Once you’re home, share what you learned with your child, highlighting both strengths and growth areas. Work together to create an action plan. This might include:

• Action items: What needs to be done

• Who’s responsible: Teacher, parent or student

• Timeline: When progress will be checked

• Check-ins: How updates will be shared

Be sure to keep the tone positive. This encourages your child to see the conference as a team effort, not a list of criticisms or more work they have to do.

Access Your Resources & Keep Communication Open

Remember, you’re not alone. Schools often have counselors, peer tutoring programs or extra support that can help. Don’t hesitate to ask about these, and continue checking in with teachers via email or scheduled updates. Conferences are just the starting point, staying engaged throughout the year and having ongoing conversations with your teens is what makes the biggest difference.

At Oak & Ivy Coaching, we help young people build the communication, collaboration and self-management skills they need to thrive in school and beyond. If you’d like to explore how coaching can further support your teen, get in touch with us today.