Strengthening Executive Function (EF) Skills: A Parent’s Guide to Building Mental Muscles in Teens

We aren’t born knowing how to manage time, juggle responsibilities or stay focused on long-term goals. These are Executive Function (EF) skills and they take years to develop.

In fact, the part of the brain responsible for these essential skills, the prefrontal cortex, is the last to fully mature. That means even bright, capable teenagers may struggle with planning, organization, emotional regulation or remembering what’s due on Friday. And while that can be frustrating (for both you and them), it’s also totally normal.

Think of EF skills like our muscles. We all start with the same basic structure, but we need training, practice and rest to make them strong. And here’s where parents come in and where Oak & Ivy coaches can support you. Our coaches are your teen’s personal trainer in the mental gym of life.

EF skills are the mental processes that help us–

• Stay focused

• Manage time effectively

• Remember important information

• Make decisions and solve problems

• Control impulses and emotions

• Adapt to new situations

• Set and achieve goals

  
  

They are essential skills for students to thrive in school, build healthy relationships and become an independent adult; furthermore, they are cultivated over time, with practice and with support. As your teens brain continues to develop, their emotional center is firing on all cylinders, while the executive control center is still under construction. That’s why your teen might melt down over a missing laptop charger and still forget they had a science project due today.

Also, EF skills tend to disappear when we’re hungry, angry, lonely or tired. So before assuming your teen is lazy or defiant ask yourself “are they running on empty?”

As parents, when we recognize that our teen’s EF skills are still developing, we are more likely to respond with patience instead of punishment, and that shift is the heart of maintaining a connection with your child and developing a more positive approach to discipline.

So, what are some things you can do to help your teen strengthen these critical mental muscles?

1. Create a Supportive Home Environment

• Routines are crucial, so establishing consistent morning, homework and bedtime routines help teens internalize structure.

• Parent expectations are transparent. The use of calendars, whiteboards or planners help teens visualize deadlines and plans.

• Use gentle reminders instead of nagging. “What’s your plan for finishing that paper?” encourages problem-solving more than “Did you finish yet?!”

  
  

 2. Practice Brain-Building Activities Together

• Play strategy games like chess or card games.

• Solve puzzles or escape rooms.

• Cook meals together. Planning, measuring and timing are all EF skills in action!

  
  

3. Teach and Model Self-Advocacy. Teens who learn to speak up for their needs become more independent and resilient.

• Help your teen through role-play, asking a teacher for help or emailing about a missed assignment.

• Encourage reflection: “What worked for you this week? What didn’t?”

• Celebrate effort, not just outcomes: “I noticed you started your project early. That’s great planning!”

  
  

4. Support Basic Needs First. Good EF skills don’t exist without a solid foundation.

• Ensure your teen gets adequate sleep. 8–10 hours is still recommended, younger teens should be aiming for 10.

• Provide healthy, protein-rich meals that support focus and energy, and avoid ultra-processed foods.

• Encourage downtime and joyful activities to recharge their brains.

  
  

Remember, EF skill-building isn't about punishing mistakes, rather it’s about coaching and connection. When teens feel respected, supported and understood, they’re more likely to cooperate and take ownership of their actions.

Instead of: “You’re so disorganized — clean your room!”

Try: “I’ve noticed it’s hard for you to keep track of your stuff. Want to brainstorm a system that might help?”

This kind of approach not only builds executive functioning, it also lays the groundwork for self-awareness and self-advocacy that teens will carry into adulthood.

Every teen develops EF skills at their own pace. Some need more time or practice, and that’s completely normal. What matters most is creating an environment that fosters growth and problem-solving just like the mental gym metaphor where every rep makes those “brain muscles” stronger.

And you don’t have to do it alone. At Oak & Ivy Coaching, we partner with parents and teens to build these essential skills with patience, structure and encouragement. Think of us as your teen’s personal trainer in the mental gym of life helping them grow in confidence, independence and resilience.