The Power of Self-Determination: Building the Foundation for Lifelong Growth

The most important skill we can teach adolescents isn't part of any curriculum; it's the ability to shape their own lives.

In the second of Oak & Ivy’s The Constructs Behind the Concepts webinar series, we unpacked the concept of self-determination. Self-determination is the foundation for executive functioning, self-advocacy, and ultimately, fulfillment.

At its simplest, self-determination means making active, goal-oriented choices about your life. But as the discussion quickly revealed, it’s a concept that runs much deeper.

Self-determination has evolved from a straightforward idea, where people make their own choices into a multidimensional construct that now underpins many educational and vocational programs. True self-determination is both a mindset and a skill set; it is a blend of confidence, capability, and courage to act on one’s own behalf.

Self-Determination has its roots in disability advocacy. In the past, individuals with disabilities were often excluded from decision-making about their own lives, everything including decisions about education, employment, and independence were made for them, not with them.

By the early 1990s, disability advocates began emphasizing self-determination as a legal and moral priority. When people with disabilities were included in shaping their own goals and services, outcomes improved dramatically, not just in independence, but in engagement, confidence, and quality of life. This movement sparked a broader realization: all individuals thrive when they have agency, voice, and ownership in their lives.

One of the most powerful themes of the webinar discussion was the balance between empowering people to dream big and helping them develop the skills to achieve those dreams. Self-determination isn't just about doing whatever you want, it's also about making choices that are informed, realistic, and personally fulfilling.

This balance plays out most visibly in the parent-child relationship. Parents naturally want the best for their children, but too much direction can undermine the very autonomy we're trying to build. Children who are either overly compliant or perpetually oppositional often struggle to make independent decisions because the balance of control has never been theirs. As coaches, educators and parents, we face a delicate challenge: advocating for opportunity while recognizing skill gaps, and, crucially, allowing for the dignity to fail.

Failure isn't something to prevent at all costs. It's something to learn from. Shielding children or students from every setback may provide temporary comfort but ultimately robs them of growth. The goal is to empower children to make their own choices and to help them define what success looks like for them, not what others want it to be.

Self-determination isn’t a destination. Rather, it's a collection of learnable, practical skills. When we look at focusing on developing these skills one at a time, we are helping students form the foundation of independent and self-directed living. We've identified seven key skill areas that form the building blocks of self-determination: 

• Choice-Making: Offer daily opportunities to choose, but keep choices limited to one or two options. Discuss outcomes to promote reflection.

  
  

• Decision-Making: Guide students to consider solutions, weigh consequences, and praise thoughtful decision processes rather than just “right answers.”

  
  

• Problem-Solving: Model calm responses, encourage brainstorming, and celebrate persistence.

  
  

• Goal Setting: Support short-term, achievable goals. Encourage students to track progress — and model your own goal-setting as a parent, coach or educator.

  
  

• Self-Advocacy & Leadership: Reinforce the principle “nothing about us without us.” Teach students to communicate respectfully, ask for what they need, and lead with confidence.

  
  

• Self-Management: Teach regulation and balance — managing time, emotions, and commitments through co-regulation and consistent routines.

  
  

• Self-Awareness: Help students understand their strengths, challenges, and patterns. Recognize identity beyond disability or labels; celebrate individuality.

  
  

Each of these skills feeds into the others. When students are empowered to make meaningful choices, reflect on outcomes, and take responsibility for their paths, they develop the mindset and resilience needed for lifelong success, reminding us that self-determination is the cornerstone of growth.

At Oak & Ivy Coaching, our goal isn’t to make every decision for the student or to remove every obstacle. It’s to help them learn how to decide, to act, and to keep going — even when it’s hard.

Please join us for our final webinar in the series, on Wednesday, 3rd of December at 12:00 pm (GMT) where we look at the concept of resilience. Resilience isn’t just about “toughing it out.” It’s about developing the mindset and strategies to bounce back from setbacks, adapt to change, and grow stronger through challenges. We’ll discuss the research behind resilience, why it matters during adolescence, and how you can help your child build coping skills that last a lifetime.